Well, it's shit... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

Consider:
You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.

With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit,
horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit,
or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.


When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language..

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!


Well Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........
Well, Shit Happens!!!

That was a truck-load of SHIT

Now if you don't mind I would like to add one ..

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

" "

^ i read tht before

^^ tht joke was full of 'sh*t' na..

shit..

yeah

shit mean.. ahhahahahhahahah.. lol

Talking Dog

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A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a
house:
"Talking Dog For Sale "
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting
there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country
to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no
one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most
valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in I uncovered some incredible dealings and
was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies,
and now I'm just retired"
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

.. still he talks

good one..

There you go again ... Oh Shit !! ...

Bravo man420ca Bravo

OLD BLUE

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A young farm lad from North Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father says, Oh Shit "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.......)

Pearly Gates

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A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit to earn your way in
here?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered, "Once, on a trip
to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers,
who were threatening a young woman.
I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and
smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose
ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did all this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago."

St.  Peter, "Holy Shit!!"

but I liked the one before this more

Bhola At A Grocery Store

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Bhola goes to a grocery store. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Bhola to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Bhola goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week Bhola finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Bhola to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Bhola goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week Bhola comes to the grocery store with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Bhola: "What! This is ****!"

Bhola calmly replies: "Yes, and I want toilet paper"