Some ladies, who were determined to put an end to drinking in their colony, went to the house of a retired Army Officer one evening.
"When did you last have a drink?" they asked
"1945" replied the officer.
"That is very good!" remarked the ladies very happily. "So you are a teetotaler now?"
"I wouldn t call it exactly that," replied the officer, looking at his watch. "You see it is only 2015 now."

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A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him.
So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then.
Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!"
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A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive thirty-year- old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.
Then, without pausing, he downs each one.
"Whew," the bartender remarks, "you seem to be in a hurry."
"You would be, too, if you had what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks.
"Fifty Ruppes."
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A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts. Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin mate, there`s no toiletpaper in this one either."

New International Gas Symbol


http://tinyurl.com/5w4ytl

another good one..