I'm starting this joke of the day section. I'll try to post a joke everyday, those interested could read and comment and if possible try and add a joke too.



IN THE NEAR FUTURE

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Company."

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order.."

Operator : "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 3891100189185."

Operator : "Thank you, Mr. Grover. I see you live at 947 Mubaan Pricha, and the phone number is 02-8862840. Your office number at Pratunam complex is 02-6562677 and your mobile phone number is 01-6467826. Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh?, I am at home. Where did you get all this information?"

Operator : "We are wired into the system, sir."

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I would like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Pizza..."

Operator : "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Operator : "Sir, your medical records indicate that you have got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your 30 Baht, National Health Care provider would not allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "Damn, what do you recommend, then?"

Operator : "You might try our low-fat Soyabean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you will like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I would like something like that?"

Operator : "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soyabean Recipes' from the British Council library last week, sir. That's why I made that suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"

Operator : "That should be plenty for you, your wife, your four kids, your mistress and a kid on the way, sir. The 'damage' as you put it, heh-heh, comes to Baht 1560."

Customer: "Let me give you my credit card number."

Operator : "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your delivery arrives."

Operator : "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."

Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"

Operator : "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you are in a hurry you might want to pick them up while you are out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "How did you know I'm riding a bike?"

Operator : "It says here you are in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Honda Steed 600 is fully paid up, so I just assumed that you would be using it."

Customer: "@#$%^&*@#$%^&^%$#@" (Censored)

Operator : "I'd advise you to watch your language, sir. You have already got a July 2004 conviction for accusing a traffic police officer, when he stopped you for a routine check."

Customer: "(Speechless)"

Operator : "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the order of two family-sized pizzas."

Operator : "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics."

Where was I ?

While browsing through the marriage and honeymoon photographs of the parents, the Beta asks his Papa:

Beta: "Papa, Papa, Jub aap aur mama honeymoon pe gaye theh, tabh main kahan tha?"

Baap: "Beta, jaate samay tum Papa ke paas theh, aate samay tum Mama ke paas theh."

DESIGNING


God once asked a Civil Engineer:

"What mistake, if there is any, did I commit in designing a Human Being?

Civil Engineer replies after a lot of hesitation:

"Well, I think the Entertainment Complex is too close to the Drainage."

TUMHARE PAAS KYA HAI?

Mr. Verma, "Mere  paas 4 cars hain, Yamaha bike hai, 2 mobile phone hain, bungalow hai, 1 farmhouse hai,
>>>>>>>>University ki degree hai, Tumhare paas kya hai, Sardaarji ?

Sardaarji, "Mera paas Mrs. Verma Hai."

DOCTOR DOCTOR


A mother takes her son who has high fever to a clinic next door.
After waiting impatiently for her turn to come, she is finally called.
Rushing in, with her son in her arms, she exclaims:

Mother, "Doctor, Doctor, my son has very high fever, please help me."

Doctor, "Be patient, maam. Now tell me did he go and play in the rain?"

Mother, "No doctor, he just had a cough two days back and I gave him cough syrup."

Doctor, "Ok, then, can you take his home and make him play in the rain?"

Mother, "With this high fever? He'll die of pneumonia, doctor."

Doctor, "Don't worry maam, didn't you read what I specialize in when you entered the clinic?"

DR. RAKESH SHUKLA
(PNEUMONIA SPECIALIST)

Where did [size24]DOCTOR DOCTOR[size] A mother take her son who has high fever to a clinic next door? Dr. Richard S. Wallace

Tumhe kaisi Biwi Chahiye?


Baap Bete Se: "Beta, tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?

Beta, "Papa, mujhe chand si biwi chahiye, jo raat ko aaye aur subha hote he chali jaye."

nice one

Thank you for saying so, adesh.

Bush ka Panka
(Bush Fan)


There's a teacher is a small Texan town (Bush's Hometown). She asks the students in her class (a kindergarten II), "How many of you are Bush fan?"

Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be in the good books of the teacher, all the kids raised their hand except one boy - Sidak.

The teacher asks Sidak, "Why have you decided to be different, Sidak?"

Sidak, "I'm not a Bush fan, maam."

Teacher, "Why aren't you a Bush fan, Sidak?"

Sidak, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan, maam."

Teacher, "Why are you a John F. Kerry fan, Sidak?"

Sidak, "Well, my mama's a John F. Kerry's fan, my papa's a John F. Kerry's fan, so I'm a John F. Kerry's fan."

Teacher, kind of angry because Sidak's of Indian origin and living in Texas and still chooses to differ from most of the Texans asks, "What if your mama's a moron, and your papa's an idiot, what would that make you?"

Sidak, "That would make me a Bush fan, maam."

Amrik thats good buddy but frnd plz dont post Lenghty ones bcoz lenghty is not joke its a story

(THATS JUST A ADVICE)

Take Care

Ladies
(This joke's the shortest one I heard. Original content by Praks.)


Two ladies were sitting together, quietly.

LOL COOOL Good one (but toooooooo Old)

Sidharth, thanks for your comment, but why do you have to quote when you are replying to the person right above you. I have seen you doing this with almost every reply you gave yesterday.

I think quote should be used if you are replying to someone to whom many have already replied and you weren't sure when you reply the person you are replying to, he will not understand who you are replying to. Next time you could use ^ and write your reply right under that person's text, or you could name that person like I did in here by stating your name so that others will understand I replying to you.

Vasectomy


After having their 11th child, Laloo and Rabri, decided that was enough. So Laloo goes to his family doctor and tells him that he and his wife have decided that they did not want to have anymore children. The doctor tells him that there was a procedure called Vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor tells him to go home, get a diwali bomb, light it, put it in an empty Coke can, then hold the can up against his ear and count till 10.

Laloo hearing this says to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali bomb in a Coke can and placing it next to my ear can help me with my problem?"

So the couple drive to Delhi to get a second opinion from a Delhi Physician.

The Delhi Physician was just about to tell them about the procedure of Vasectomy when he noticed from the medical record that they were from Bihar. The doctor instead told Laloo to go home, get a diwali bomb, light it, put it in an empty Coke can, then hold the can up against his ear and count till 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit an atom bomb, placed it in an empty Coke can and held it next to his ear and started counting with his left hand fingers, "1,2,3,4,5, at this point he paused placed the can between his legs and resumed counting with his right hand fingers,6,7,8,9, and BOOMB."

Original content by Mrs. Ranjana Biyani, Patna