Who does see how putting a Diwali bomb in a Coke can and placing it next to his or her ear can help him or her with his or her problem?

Bus Driver VS The Priest


A Priest and a bus driver, who were close friends, lived and died on the same day (The bus had an accident).

They both go to heaven and see St. Peter standing before heaven's gate.

St. Peter, tells the angels, awaiting, to escort the bus driver to the highest heaven, but the priest has to wait.

The priest waits for a long time and finally getting impatient goes to St. Peter and asks, "Why could that bus driver go to the highest heaven, even though he's the cause of my and his death, and I, who all my life have been a humble servant of God and have been preaching His teachings all my life, have to wait for such a long time?"

St. Peter replies, "When you were speaking about God to the people at your church everybody fell asleep, but when the bus driver drove, to drop them home, everybody prayed."

" I'll Sue You. "


An engineer died and was sent to hell by mistake.
Life in hell was very uncomfortable, so the engineer decided to install air conditioning, lifts, flush toilets and host of other modern conveniences.

One day God rang up Satan to ask how things were in hell.

"Great," replied Satan. "Our engineer has done wonders and made all kinds of improvement down here."

"What are you doing with an engineer down there !" God thundered. "That engineer must be sent to heaven immediately or I'll sue."

"Oh really?" inquired Satan, "And just were are you going to find a lawyer in heaven?"

HA HA hA,,
I am an engineer,,,,,
moral of Joke:whereever engii. go they adjust life according to it ... FUNDOOOOOO

Do you still have sex ?


A grandson to his grandpa:

Grandson, " Grandpa, do you have sex with grandma ?

Grandpa, " Off course, why not? But its only oral sex."

Grandson, "What's that, grandpa?"

Grandpa, "Well, in anger I shout at her "FUCK YOU" and she usually shouts back "FUCK YOU TOO".

M.A Vs B.A

Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name plate outside your house read Santa Singh, B.A. This year it reads Santa Singh, M.A.When did you finish your Masters Degree?"

Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again."

Business Mind!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son to get married

Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".

Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case......Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."

Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."

Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

Now this is how business is done!!

Good ones Ashish. Keep posting.

Birthday Gift


A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd like to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!

Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling, and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars Epic, a hot dog, a popcorn, Pepsi and M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and loving asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened, "You idiot, when I said six, I meant my dress size."


The moral of the story: Even when man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.

Once a sardar goes for hunting to a jungle(sikh people dont mind). He went there at 6'00 in morning in a jeep. Howvevr he was unlucky and could not find even a single animal that day. So he kept roaming in the jungle hungry, thirsty and tired. Any other person would have given up but he was a mighty sardar, hence he kept roaming. IT became 12:00 noon. At this time something happened to the sardar. He became so frustrated that he started firing north-south-east-west and every where in the bushes. Just when he had just 1 bullet left, somehow from somewhere a lion came out. Now, sardarji started to shiver. With just one bullet left and the lion comming towards him, he remembered guru nanak and aimed with shivering hands and fired!!. The bullet went straight through the lions hair on its head without hurting the lion. Now the lion became ferocious and charged towards the sardar. Sardar ran towards his jeep and started driving. However he couldnt drive too fast due to the uneven terrain. The lion did not give up the chase and ran after the jeep. Soon the sardar reached a kutchcha road, so the jeep started running faster. But the lion did not give up still. The kutchcha road got divided into 2 ahead. Sardar thought that he had to do something soon or else the lion would kill him. An idea came to his mind and he switched the right side indicator and went in the left lane. Surprisingly the lion went in the right lane!!. Sardar took a deep breadth. However his happiness was shortlived as the two roads merged ahead and again the lion came on his back. Now the petrol of the jeep was getting over. The sardar thought that it was a do or die situation. So he implemented his second idea. He gave an overtake signal with his hands as is done in the city traffic. Surprisingly the lion overtook him and vanished in the jungle. So the day was saved and the sardarjee went home alive.
SO THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT SHER(LION) JUNGLE KA SARDAAR HOTA HAI.

Chinti Aur Haathi Ka Pyar

Ek Chinti aur Haathi ko prem ho gaya.

Haathi ke maa-baap chinti ka haath mangne chinti ke ghar gaye.

Chinti ke maa-baap ne haathi ko dekha aur reject kar diya...

Sub rishtey dar hairan ho gaye aur reason pucha, toh jawab mila:

"Ladke ke daant Bahar hain"

Brian came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her.

"Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.

"How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?" Brian asked nervously.

"Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.

"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Brian went on, "if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"

The wife looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."

Golden Anniversary!
~~~~~~~~
A couple about to celebrate there golden wedding anniversary:

Wife: love,lets kill the pig next week!
Husband: hah! Why punish the pig for what happened 50 yrs ago?

It's sometimes easy to forget how easily email technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of
Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband
PS. Sure is hot down here.

Billing


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking for legal advice when you are out of office?"

"I will give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I will send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in the mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.